


Scorched Souls

by PennyLane



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 21:20:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PennyLane/pseuds/PennyLane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An epilogue to 'Scorched Earth'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scorched Souls

 

 

Daniel Jackson looked around at the groups of happy, relieved Enkarans chattering excitedly and allowed himself to finally relax. It seemed like days, but it had only been a matter of hours since SG-1 had first spotted the Gad-meer vessel terraforming P5S-381. For a time it seemed like there would be no happy solution to the plight of at least one of the civilizations which needed this planet, but they'd done it. They managed to preserve both civilizations. No one died, no one lost a home, no one was forced to commit genocide to save a race of people. Thanks to Lotan, the Enkarans would be returning to their long-lost home world. Lotan would join the Enkarans and begin a new life with them, and the Gad-meer would have this planet to continue their civilization. Everyone won. No one died. Daniel allowed himself a little surge of pride for his part in the negotiations. This was what he _did_. It was easy to forget sometimes just why he was on a first contact team when so many times they ended up on deserted planets with no one for him to communicate with or he ended up playing soldier right along with Jack, Sam and Teal'c. Damn, it felt good to be a part of this.

 

He turned to share the moment with the one other person who could appreciate this as much as he did. Jack had felt a personal responsibility to the Enkarans in settling them here and had been desperate to find a way to save them. He must be feeling pretty good now too at the way things turned out. But Daniel's celebratory smile froze as Jack gave him a brief, strained smile before turning and walking away. "Jack?" But Jack kept walking. Daniel took a step after him, but a firm hand on his arm halted him.

 

"Now isn't a good time, Daniel," Sam said quietly, her eyes on her C.O.'s departing back.

 

There was something in her tone - something like underlying censure - that drew Daniel's attention to her. He folded his arms across his chest, looked down at her, and asked, "Why not?"

 

Daniel was sure it wasn't the question as much as his mildly confrontational tone that lit the fuse of whatever was burning in the back of Sam's eyes.  "Daniel, do you have any idea the position you put the colonel in when you went on that ship?" she demanded.

 

"Jack wanted options. I was trying to give him some."

 

"You deliberately put yourself on a ship you knew he was committed to blowing up. Were you really trying to give him options, Daniel? Or were you counting on him not blowing it up with you on board?"

 

Daniel's mouth dropped in astonishment. "What?"

 

Sam was as deeply angry as Daniel had ever seen her. "Can you honestly tell me you weren't using yourself as a hostage on that ship so the colonel wouldn't do what you didn't want him to do?"

 

Sam's anger wasn't anything compared to the resentment Daniel felt flare up in him not only at the injustice of that question, but that it came from Sam. "I think you know me better than that, Sam," he said coolly. "And I know Jack better than that. I knew what he was planning to do, and I knew he'd go through with it. I was counting on being able to get through to Lotan before that happened; it was a risk I was willing to take."

 

"Even knowing what it would do to the colonel to have to push that button with you on the ship? What it would do to all of us?"

 

Daniel sighed, his anger draining as he recognized the reason for Sam's anger. "I couldn't let him destroy an entire peaceful civilization without at least trying to do something." Reaching out, he touched her shoulder. "Sam, I don't blame you for making that bomb," he said softly. When she flinched, he tightened his fingers on her shoulder. "Jack took what he thought was the only step available to him to save the Enkarans; you followed orders; I did what I thought was best to try to find a solution. I honestly don't think you're going to find a right and wrong side here. This was a situation with no easy answers. We all did what we thought was best."

 

Sam's guilt-stricken eyes locked with his for a moment before flicking away. "I was following orders, Daniel," she said quietly. "I can't honestly say I thought it was for the best."

 

Teal'c, who had been standing silently listening to their exchange, spoke for the first time. "Is not the fact that the Enkaran and the Gad-meer civilizations have both survived the matter of most importance?"

 

"Exactly," Daniel agreed immediately. "There were no lives lost, and two civilizations were saved. That's what's important."

 

"You're missing the point, Daniel."

 

"Well, yes, I must be. What point would that be, Sam?"

 

Sam's gaze wandered off to where Jack had been standing earlier. "The colonel disobeyed a direct order. General Hammond did not authorize use of military force."

 

Daniel waved that aside as unimportant. "So it doesn't go into the report. What does it matter anyhow? What matters in this case is that two civilizations have survived." When Sam continued to look at him he said, "What? Are you going to put it into the report?"

 

"No, but --"

 

"Teal'c, are you going to put it into the report?"

 

"I see no reason to do so."

 

"And I'm not going to mention it so --"

 

"The colonel will."

 

Daniel considered that for a moment. Jack had had no qualms - or at least if he did he squashed them - about lying in an official report to keep Abydos and its people safe after the first Stargate mission. But in this case he'd be lying - or failing to tell the truth - about his actions which would have destroyed an entire civilization, even while it saved another. Yes, Jack would put it into the report. He sighed. "I'll go talk to him."

 

As he started to turn around, Sam laid her hand on his arm again, but this time it was a light touch. "I'm not sure that's a good idea right now."

 

"No, probably not," he agreed, grinning faintly, "but I’m going to do it anyhow."

 

Slowly, a smile broke out on Sam's face, and she stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. "It's good to have you back, Daniel," she whispered.

 

He tightened his arms in an answering squeeze. "It'll be all right, Sam. We did good work here." He'd talk to Jack, and they'd work things out. Just like always.

 

 

Easier said than done. To talk to Jack he first had to find him, and then he had to get him to stand still long enough to have a conversation, neither of which Jack was apparently going to allow. Wherever Daniel was on P5S-381, Jack made sure he wasn't. Or if Daniel did manage to catch up with him, Jack was in deep conversation with Hedrazar or her son, Eliam, presumably working out arrangements to gather in all the Enkarans from outlying areas and get the populace ready for transport.

 

As he stood, arms crossed over his chest, watching Jack move away from him yet again with a knot of Enkarans surrounding him, he felt a presence by his side and muttered, "If you say 'I told you so'..."

 

"I would not do such a thing, Daniel Jackson," rumbled Teal'c, "but I do believe Major Carter did advise you that it was not a good time to try to talk with O'Neill."

 

"And I do believe you just managed to work in an 'I told you so'."

 

"Lotan is seeking your assistance."

 

"What? Oh, right." Daniel gave one last look at the Jack's back - the only side of him he'd managed to see for the last few hours - and turned away to go find Lotan. It would have to wait, but he and Jack _were_ going to talk.

 

***

 

After watching the Gad-meer ship move off with the first load of Enkarans, Jack said quietly, "Okay, kids, let's go home."

 

As he turned to lead the way to the Stargate, Daniel fell into step with him, conscious of the fact Sam and Teal'c were staying out of earshot behind them. "Jack, I'd like to talk to you about what went on here today."

 

"No, Daniel."

 

There was no discernable anger in Jack's tone, just a finality that would have warned off anyone else. "I really think we need to clear the air and --"

 

Jack stopped suddenly and wheeled around to face him. "Daniel, what did I just say?"

 

_Should we really be opening drawers and things?_

_What did I just say?_

 

A little flash of déjà vu sent a twinge of guilt through Daniel.

 

"When I want to talk about something I'll let you know." Turning away from Daniel, Jack continued striding purposefully toward the Stargate, ordering tersely, "Carter, dial us home."

 

"Yes, sir." Carter passed Daniel, giving him a sympathetic look as she hurried to the DHD.

 

Daniel chewed on his lower lip as he watched Jack waiting impatiently for the Stargate to activate. Okay, it wasn't going to be easy, and it wasn't going to be now, but they were going to talk. A large shadow moved up from behind to join his and without looking around he warned, "I really don't want to hear any more 'I told you so's', Teal'c."

 

"As you wish, Daniel Jackson."

 

As the shadow moved away, Daniel sighed and joined his team mates as the Stargate activated.

 

 

"Welcome back, SG-1." General Hammond was waiting for them at the bottom of the ramp, approval stamped all over his features. "I got your message, Colonel, and I'll be interested to hear how you managed to save both the Enkarans and the Gad-meer. Well done."

 

"The Enkarans and Gad-meer were both saved due solely to Daniel's efforts, General," Jack reported crisply. "The rest of us were just soldiers on this mission; Daniel was the mediator."

 

Hammond turned his look of approval on Daniel. "Congratulations, Doctor Jackson. I'll be looking forward to hearing the details."

 

Daniel wrapped his arms around his chest and cleared his throat. "Actually, sir --"

 

"Sir, I'd like to meet with you privately before the debriefing," Jack cut in.

 

Hammond's eyebrows raised a fraction. "Can it wait, Colonel?"

 

"No, sir, it can't."

 

The general's eyes flicked back and forth between Jack and Daniel, as if trying to discern any tension there. "Very well. The debriefing is postponed for now. Colonel." Hammond led the way out of the 'gate room, and Jack followed without looking at any of his team.

 

"Damn it," Daniel muttered. "He's going to tell him, isn't he?"

 

Sam nodded. "Yeah."

 

"Maybe I should --"

 

"No!" "You cannot, Daniel Jackson."

 

Daniel glared at them both.

 

Sam gave Daniel a pat on the arm. "Come on. let's get some coffee."

 

 

"It's a military matter, Daniel. You can't interfere," Sam said for the third time, careful to keep her voice low so no one else in the commissary would hear them.

 

"What do you think the general's going to do?" Daniel asked, staring into his coffee.

 

Sam appeared to give that some thought before finally answering, "Probably an official reprimand in his file. He might be stood down for a while. Just thank God he didn't actually destroy the Gad-meer ship and their entire civilization."

 

"You see, that's why this whole thing is so stupid. What's the point of him telling Hammond what he _almost_ did?"

 

"Because he is a man of honor, Daniel Jackson."

 

Sam nodded in agreement. "He's doing the right thing, Daniel. But I don't think it's going to be too bad. As you say, everything worked out, and no lives were lost."

 

_Let's just hope no friendships were lost either,_ Daniel thought glumly,

 

'SG-1 report to the Briefing Room.'

 

As the announcement came over the PA system Sam set her coffee cup down. "That's our cue."

 

 

But when they walked into the Briefing Room only General Hammond was there, sitting in his usual chair at the head of the table. "Have a seat, SG-1. Colonel O'Neill won't be joining us for this debriefing."

 

As he took his seat and opened his mouth, Daniel was aware of Sam shooting him a warning look from across the table, but he asked anyway. "May I ask why not, sir?"

 

"Colonel O'Neill has already given me his report on the situation with the Enkarans and Gad-meer, Doctor Jackson. Now I want to hear yours." He turned his attention to Sam. "We'll start with you, Major. And why don't you start from the time Colonel O'Neill ordered you to make the naquada bomb."

 

 

By the time all three of them had finished with their reports Daniel had heard the story more times than he really cared to and had tuned out most of it. His attention was yanked back as Hammond said, "Colonel O'Neill is on stand-down for the next seven days. During that time Teal'c, you will be assigned to SG-7. They have some new members, and I'd like you to give them the benefit of your experience off-world." Teal'c nodded his understanding. "Major Carter, I know you've got a full plate with your research, so this will give you the opportunity for some lab time."

 

"Yes, sir."

 

"And Doctor Jackson, your situation is much the same as Major Carter's. This will give you a chance to work on the many requests that come your way each day."

 

"Yes, sir, thank you sir," he said automatically, not thinking of his work at all but rather that Jack had been stood down for a week. Sam said that was likely, but still...

 

"You're dismissed."

 

Sam and Teal'c left the room without another word, but Daniel got slowly to his feet and stepped up to the general as he was leaving the table. "General, may I speak privately with you?"

 

Hammond looked unsurprised at the request and merely nodded. "In my office, Doctor."

 

Wondering if the general's lack of surprise was a good thing or not, Daniel followed him to his office. After closing his door, Hammond waved him into a chair and took his own seat. "Now, what can I do for you, Doctor?"

 

"It's about Jack, sir."

 

"I thought it might be."

 

Daniel shifted in his chair. "Is he being stood down because of what happened on P5S-381?"

 

Hammond gave him a long, level look. "It's not my practice to discuss disciplinary actions regarding a commanding officer with the members of his team, Doctor Jackson."

 

"But Jack isn't just my --" Daniel had to wrap his tongue around the unfamiliar words -- "commanding officer, General. He's my friend, first and foremost." He shrugged almost apologetically. "The commanding officer part came later. I just need to know that he's okay."

 

Hammond took a long time considering that statement before answering. "I appreciate your concern, Doctor. You're a good friend to Jack; I've seen that demonstrated time and time again. Sometimes being a good friend means knowing when to take a step back."

 

Daniel frowned, screwing up his face as he considered those words, then shook his head in defeat. "I'm afraid I don't know what that means."

 

"It means, Colonel O'Neill is on a seven day leave because he requested it."

 

"Jack _asked_ to be stood down? Why?" His eyes widened in delayed understanding. "It's because of me, isn't it? Because of what I did? General, Jack did what he thought he had to --"

 

"Doctor Jackson," Hammond interrupted, not unkindly, "Colonel O'Neill's reasons for requesting this leave are not for me to discuss. You'll have to take that up with him."

 

"I will," he said immediately, getting to his feet.

 

"But I'm afraid it will have to wait. He mentioned something about Minnesota."

 

Daniel's face fell. "Fishing." He thought fast. "I can probably still catch him --"

 

"Doubtful."

 

Realization dawned, and Daniel eyed the general from across the desk. "You delayed the debriefing to give Jack a chance to get away, didn't you?" When Hammond simply looked at him, he crossed his arms, jutting his chin out aggressively, "Part of the 'know when to take a step back' program?"

 

It might have been Daniel's tone of voice that did it, but Hammond seemed to come to a decision - or a realization. "I think perhaps Colonel O'Neill isn't the only member of SG-1 that needs some time off. You're officially on stand-down, Doctor. I don't want to see you around the SGC for the next seven days."

 

Daniel's mouth dropped. "Wha - What?"

 

"Take some time off, son," Hammond urged in his most fatherly tone. "Go on vacation."

 

"Vacation? Right," he muttered, "I'll just..." He stopped, considering the general's words. "Yes, sir," he said slowly, "I think I will."

 

The general nodded. "Then I'll see you in one week, Doctor," he said, and turned his attention to the papers on his desk.

 

Daniel opened the door to leave, then closed it again. "General," he asked hesitantly, "can I ask you something?"

 

***

 

Daniel was sure the scenery around him was beautiful, but he was in no position to enjoy it. It was pitch black, pouring down rain, visibility was zilch, and it was taking all his attention and driving skills to keep his rented jeep on the muddy track that he hoped was the road to Jack's cabin. It hadn't been easy getting here.

 

First he had to find out where the damn cabin was. Jack had invited him to come to his Grandfather's cabin before, but a burst appendix pretty much took care of that - along with Thor beaming up Jack to save the world once again. Sam and Teal'c had never been here before either, but Teal'c did remember some conversation Jack and Ferretti had about this place. Unfortunately Ferretti was off-world, so Daniel had to wait another twenty-four hours before he was back. Luckily Ferretti had been here once a few years ago and gave him good enough directions to get him this far. The flight to Minnesota was bumpy due to unsettled weather, and the drive from the airport to the cabin was proving to be a real challenge with an unfamiliar vehicle, an unfamiliar road slick with mud, and Ferretti's vague instructions. He wasn't even sure he was on the right road. Road signs had disappeared a long time ago. All he knew for sure was that he was on a narrow, muddy road with trees on both sides of him. He estimated another couple of miles, but he wasn't sure how long that was going to take in this weather. He glanced at the luminous dial on his watch; it was already 9:46. That was way later than he thought it would be when -- He looked back up at the road just in time to see something big dart out into his headlights.

 

His mind registered 'Deer!' as he slammed his foot down on the brake, knowing it was already too late. He felt the wheels slide in the mud, tried to steer in the direction of the slide, and in the headlights got a fleeting glimpse of the big tree that leaped into his path and smacked him - hard.

 

 

***

 

At first Jack thought it was the sound of thunder. The weather had deteriorated rapidly in the last couple of hours, and the little rainstorm of earlier had turned into a nasty one with howling wind, sheets of rain, and rolling thunder that rattled the windows in the old cabin. He'd fallen asleep on the couch in front of the fire, and frowned as he heard the sound again. Damn, that wasn't thunder, that was --

 

He was off the couch in an instant, stopping to pick up his hunting rifle from where it was propped in the corner of the room before crossing to the locked door. "Who is it?" he demanded. His eyes widened in disbelief at the sound of the muffled voice on the other side of the door. "Daniel?" Swearing under his breath, he set the gun aside and angrily tore at the locks before throwing the door open. "Daniel, just what the _hell_ do you think you're doing --" He broke off as a flash of lightening gave him his first look at the man on his porch. Or rather, the man leaning up against his door frame, soaked to the skin, shoes completely encrusted with mud, holding a dripping wet handkerchief to his forehead.

 

"Can you yell at me later, Jack?" came the plaintive voice. "I'm really, really tired, and my head really, really hurts."

 

With a bitten off oath, Jack quickly reached out, got a good grip on his arms, and pulled him inside. If it weren't for the fact he knew that handkerchief was hiding some sort of injury Jack could have found some amusement in the fact that Daniel looked like something the cat had dragged in. But there was no amusement to be found in the fact the younger man was shaking with cold and fatigue and had a head injury on top of it.

 

"My car," Daniel mumbled, blinking owlishly at him. "Deer."

 

"Tell me about it later," Jack said in a gentle voice. "First let's get you into some dry clothes and then I'll take a look at that head." He smiled, but his heart wasn't in it. "Make sure you didn't crack anything up there."

 

"Got clothes," Daniel told him helpfully, holding up a carryall.

 

Jack grimaced at the mud-encrusted thing at the end of Daniel's arm dripping water and mud all over the floor. Of course, Daniel was also dripping water and mud, so what was a little more? Somehow he doubted the clothes inside were in any condition to be worn at this point, and he carefully eased the carryall out of Daniel's stiff fingers and dropped it to the floor. "We'll get to them later," he promised. "You first." With years of experience of caring for people under his command in all conditions and in all sorts of situations he began to efficiently strip off the filthy, wet garments.

 

 

Daniel sat huddled on the couch in front of the fire dressed in a pair of Jack's old sweats, wrapped in a blanket, with a mug of hot coffee in his hands while Jack probed carefully at the cut on his forehead. "Right along the scalp line," he murmured, blotting gently at it with a cloth dampened with antiseptic. "Sorry," he added when Daniel flinched. "Don't think you're going to need stitches, but you've got one helluva bruise coming up." The purplish, raised mark covered half his forehead and prompted Jack to ask worriedly, "Were you knocked out?"

 

"No. Yes. Um..."

 

"Daniel."

 

"Maybe." Daniel's eyelids were drooping as fatigue caught up with him in a big way. "But just for a minute."

 

"Uh huh. Here." Jack took Daniel's chin and turned his head around so he could see his eyes. "How many fingers?" he asked, holding up three and waggling them.

 

Daniel blinked. "You know, that's actually a rude gesture to the people on P3X --"

 

"Never mind." Gripping Daniel's shoulders, he tried to keep his attention. "Are you dizzy? Any double vision?"

 

Daniel gave his head a little shake.

 

"Okay," Jack decided finally. "I don't think you're concussed."

 

"Just really tired," Daniel agreed, then winced. "And I have a headache."

 

Jack tapped two tablets into Daniel's palm from a bottle. "These should help. Take them and then lay down and get some sleep. There's no fireplace in the bedroom, so you sleep out here."

 

Daniel took the tablets with uncharacteristic docility, washed them down with coffee, then sat the mug on the nearby table and stretched out on the couch, pulling the blanket up around his shoulders. Jack watched all this without comment and waited for it.

 

"'m sorry, Jack."

 

Sighing, Jack patted him lightly on the shoulder. "We'll talk about it in the morning, Daniel. Get some sleep."

 

Jack stood there for a few moments and watched as Daniel's breathing evened out into the sleep of the exhausted. How in the hell had he found him? Even if Hammond had told him he was coming here, the general sure as hell didn't know where this cabin was. Neither did Carter or Teal'c. Jack snorted softly to himself; what was he thinking? This was the guy who found a goa'uld in a haystack when the Tok'ra and everyone else thought finding Seth on Earth was impossible. Turning away, he checked on the fire, then turned out the lights and headed for the bedroom. So much for his week of quiet and solitude.

 

***

 

Coffee. Dear lord, he smelled coffee. Stretching carefully, Daniel ow'd as cramped and strained muscles made their presence known but managed to fight his arms out of the blanket that had become wrapped around him during the course of the night. Once he achieved a sitting position he froze as he saw Jack sitting at a table with a cup in his hand, calmly watching him.

 

Jack took a sip of coffee. "Morning."

 

"Um...morning," Daniel replied warily. He tried to untangle the cover from around his legs with some grace but failed miserably. Finally getting it free, he shoved it into a corner of the couch. Then he just sat there, trying to read Jack's mood.

 

"How's the head?"

 

Daniel automatically raised his hand to touch the gauze Jack had taped over the cut on his forehead. It was tender but not throbbing like it had been last night. "Okay."

 

Apparently satisfied with the answer, Jack stood and walked over to the sink to rinse out his cup. "Bathroom's through that door, there's coffee in the pot, cereal in the cupboard, eggs in the fridge," he announced, heading for the door where he picked up his fishing rod.

"You're going fishing?" Daniel asked inanely.

 

Jack gave him a level look. "It's why I came here. Once you're cleaned up, I'll drive you back to your car, we'll see what the damage is, and I'll take you into town. You can make arrangements to get it towed and catch a flight back to Colorado." With that Jack opened the door and left the cabin.

 

Daniel let his head drop back onto the sofa cushions. Well he'd managed to screw this up seven ways to Sunday. This wasn't going the way he'd planned it at all. He made a face as he realized he hadn't really _had_ a plan. When he got on that plane in Colorado he'd just known that things weren't 'okay' between him and Jack, so he was coming here. He figured they'd talk or play chess or, heaven help him, he'd even sit out there with a fishing pole in his hands if that made Jack happy, and then things _would_ be okay between them again. That was his plan. It most definitely didn't include running off the road in his rented car and showing up on Jack's doorstep soaking wet and covered with mud. Like a stray puppy brought in from the rain, Jack had cleaned him up, tended to him, and put him to bed. But this morning things still weren't 'okay' between them. Daniel mused that 'okay' was kind of indefinable when it came to his and Jack's relationship; he wasn't sure he could put words to defining exactly what that meant. But it definitely wasn't this.

 

With a groan that was part frustration and part protesting muscles, Daniel pulled himself to his feet. First things first: coffee, then he'd get cleaned up, and then he and Jack were going to work out whatever was wrong between them.

 

As he walked to the bathroom, General Hammond's words came back to him: _Sometimes being a good friend means knowing when to take a step back._ Well, unfortunately, Daniel didn't have an instruction manual for being a good friend, and he rather doubted Jack did either. His friendship with Jack was something that required on-going maintenance and was unlike any relationship Daniel had had in his life, so he didn't exactly have a lot of experience to draw on. It was more like flying by the seat of his pants, which meant gut instinct many times took the place of common sense. After all, as  Sam had plainly told him before he left, no one with any grain of sense would be coming here when Jack so obviously wanted to be left alone.

 

Well, he thought, entering the tiny bathroom, he'd come this far. He wasn't going back until he'd done what he'd come to do.

 

***

 

"Catch anything?"

 

Jack casually looked over his shoulder at the man standing uncertainly on the bank off to his side. He'd heard Daniel coming from the time he'd stepped out of the cabin door, but he'd kept his attention on the gently rippling surface of the lake.  As he looked at him now, the gaze he swept over Daniel, masked by his sunglasses, was anything but casual.. He took in the posture (shoulders slumped), the expression (guarded and a little anxious), hand signals (in his pockets; a bad sign), and the patch of blackish purple on his forehead where Daniel had peeled off the dressing (bump on the noggin, nothing to worry about. Thank goodness.) then turned back to the lake. "A few small ones. Threw them back." He began to reel in his line. "You ready to leave?"

 

"Ah, no, actually, I'm not." Daniel took the few steps to stand beside him, looked around, then sat down on the cooler. "I'd like to talk."

 

"Didn't it occur to you if I wanted to talk I wouldn't have come to Minnesota?"

 

"Yes, it did. And if it hadn't occurred to me, Sam and Teal'c pointed that out to me several times."

 

At that, Jack did turn to look at him. "You do have a problem with not staying put when you're supposed to, don't you?" That drew a wince from the other man, and Jack turned his head away again.

 

"Okay, Jack, I know you're mad at me."

 

"I'm not mad, Daniel. I just want to be left alone for a while."

 

"I think you _are_ mad, Jack, and I think we should talk about it."

 

"You keep arguing with me about how I'm feeling, and I am going to get mad," he said evenly, an edge creeping into his voice.

 

There was the sound of a frustrated sigh, then Daniel plunged in again. "Okay, look, I've never been in your shoes as a..." There was a definite pause. "...commanding officer, but I think I'm safe in saying you _are_ mad at me for what I did on P5S-381 because I, um, I kind of took a poll, and that's how it came out." This last was said so fast and in such a mumble, Jack wasn't sure he'd heard it right.

 

He snapped his head around and pulled off his sunglasses. "You did what?"

 

Daniel shrugged. "I took a poll. I asked people who would know what it's like to be leading a unit how they would feel if I'd...if I'd transported up to the Gad-meer ship when I knew what you were going to do."

 

"Did you now?" he asked, his voice dangerously soft.

 

Daniel was apparently unaware of the tone or what it signified; instead he was staring at the ground, an intent look on his face. "Sam said if I'd done that on her watch after she got done hugging me, she'd knock me on my ass and probably ground me for a week or two. General Hammond said I'd be wearing his bootprints on the seat of my pants for a good long time. And Teal'c... we won't even go into what Teal'c said he would have done if I'd served under him on Chulak. Let's just say I probably wouldn't have survived to complain about it." Finally he looked up, his face once again anxious and a little pleading. "The point is, Jack, I asked these people how they would have felt in those circumstances, and they would have been angry. Really angry. And I think you're angry too, and I wish you'd just talk about it, or yell at me, or tell me you want me off the team or _something_. I want us to get past it because I don't like things the way they are between us right now."

 

Jack didn't like the way things were between them either. He'd come here to get away from thinking about it and from having to face Daniel every day as if nothing had happened. What had happened was that he'd made the decision to blow up a ship with Daniel on it. Sitting here with Daniel only a few feet away, alive and safe, it seemed impossible to think it had happened, that it had been so damned close, that he'd seen no other choice, and that he'd actually pushed that button. After all those years of near misses - of images of Daniel screaming his name while engulfed in flames, of losing him to an alternate reality, of leaving him dying on a doomed ship, of seeing him locked away in a padded cell, of having him kidnapped by an Unas and finding him literally in the nick of time - it was all too much to think that this time _he_ had nearly been the instrument of his destruction. And who did he blame for that? He'd gone over it a thousand times in his head since then, and with the information he had at the time, he still couldn't find an alternative. Yes, Daniel had succeeded in persuading Lotan to stop the terraforming, and they had found a solution, but there had been no guarantee that would have happened. And if Jack had done nothing, and Daniel hadn't succeeded, the Enkarans would have been wiped out.

 

So who was right and who was wrong? And who was he mad at? And when would he stop feeling like he'd failed?

 

”Jack?"

 

The sound of Daniel's soft query brought him out of his thoughts, and he turned in his chair to face the other man. Daniel definitely looked anxious now. For some reason he'd picked up a twig from the ground and was twisting it in his fingers the way Jack had so often seen him absently finger a pen at briefings. Funny how a familiar habit like that could bring on a rush of memories and emotion.

 

" _Jack_."

 

Jack raised a hand and rubbed his forehead. "I'm tired, Daniel."

 

"Because of me?"

 

Oh it would have been so easy to just dump this on Daniel, to blame him for everything, to let himself off the hook. "No, Daniel," he said wearily, "not because of you."

 

Uncomfortable silence, unusual for them, fell between them for several moments. Then Daniel cleared his throat as a precursor to another speech. It was all Jack could do to keep himself from jumping to his feet and walking away. "Sam said something to me..." He stopped speaking, frowned deeply at the twig in his hands, then continued slowly, "Jack, you don't think I went on that ship to keep you from blowing it up, do you?"

 

Jack stared at him. Carter said that? To Daniel? He sometimes looked on Carter and Daniel's rapid fire theoretical exchanges as something like 'twin talk' - a secret language only they could understand. That's the way it sometimes came across to 'outsiders' - i.e., anyone who wasn't Carter or Daniel. It was quite a shock to discover Carter didn't know Daniel any better than that. That was a helluva thing to lay on him. "No, Daniel," he said quietly, "I never thought that."

 

The relief on Daniel's face was obvious; in fact it was like he'd been carrying around a dozen bricks on each shoulder, and they'd just fallen away. "Good," he breathed. "Because I didn't. I honestly went there to try to talk to Lotan and find you another option. I thought I had a chance of persuading him, and I had to try. I hoped it would be in time, but I knew about the bomb, and I knew the risks. I went into it with my eyes open, Jack. I told Sam that too. I don't blame her for building the bomb, and I don't blame you for making the decision..."

 

As Daniel continued to talk, the words tumbling out of his mouth so fast it was almost babbling, Jack frowned. The way Daniel was acting you'd think _he_ was the one who'd almost blown up an entire civilization and his best friend right along with it. And then it hit him: Daniel _was_ carrying around his own load of guilt; he may not be second-guessing his decision as Jack was, but he was certainly thinking about the consequences of his actions if the ending hadn't been happily-ever-after.

 

It was that not-happy-ending that Jack had been seeing over and over again in his own mind since he came here. "Daniel, are you AWOL?" he asked suddenly.

 

Cut off mid-sentence, Daniel gaped at him. "What? AWOL? Can I be AWOL? I'm a civilian, how can I be --?"

 

Jack rubbed at the Daniel-sized headache beginning between his eyes. "Daniel," he gritted out. "Did you just pick up and leave, or what?"

  
"Oh. No." He looked embarrassed. "I went to see the general - about you - and we talked for a while and he sort of..." Daniel's hands fluttered expressively. "...threw me out of the SGC for a week."

 

"You were stood down?" Good call, George, Jack thought approvingly. Neither one of them were fit to be on duty right now. Jack wondered if _Daniel_ realized how stressed out he was right now or how badly he needed to get past the Gad-meer incident. No doubt he'd been feeling pretty good when it all came together and both civilizations had been saved, but after that the guilt began to creep in, and the victory began to take on a bittersweet taste. Left to his own devices he'd let it continue to eat away at him, just like Jack would have let it eat away at him if he were here alone. That certainly wasn't going to do either one of them any good. Better to deal with it and put it behind them and get back on track with each other.

 

"Just for the record, Daniel," he said slowly, catching and holding the other man's gaze, "I don’t blame you for what you did. You did what you thought was best, knowing the risks, and this time it worked out. However," he continued, his eyes narrowing, "knocking you on your ass does have a certain appeal."

 

Daniel winced and gave him a wary look from under his lashes. "But you're not going to, right?"

 

Looking at Daniel sitting there like a naughty schoolboy waiting to be punished with that nice, big bruise on his forehead... oh, sure, it would be a piece of cake to just swat him one. "You know, I think we'll save that for the SGC," he decided. When Daniel didn't look so much like a kid who'd been beaten up for his lunch money. "We'll put on a pair of gloves and let Teal'c referee."

 

Daniel's eyes widened in dismay. "Jack, I hate boxing."

 

"Yeah, I know, Daniel, but I've got all this repressed anger inside me, and I think I need to let it out."

 

"You just want to knock me on my ass," the other man muttered.

 

"You bet'cha," he agreed heartily. He nodded toward the cabin. "There's another pole up there on the porch. If you're going to sit out here, you're going to fish."

 

Daniel glanced at the cabin, then back at Jack, his expression uncertain yet hopeful. "I thought you wanted me to go back to Colorado."

 

"Do you want to go back to Colorado?"

 

Daniel looked as if he were trying to determine if that was a trick question. "Not really."

 

Jack turned around and settled back into his chair, once again picking up his rod. "Then get the pole, Daniel. And better bring out another chair while you're at it. We need to get to the beer in the cooler. Unless you want to get up every time I want a --"

 

"No, no, I'll bring a chair." Daniel got to his feet and began trudging back to the cabin. Jack looked over his shoulder, grinning a little as he heard him muttering to himself. Turning back, Jack felt a few bricks drop away from his own shoulders. They'd work through this. They might not get through it completely here in front of the lake this week, but they'd make a good start.

 

After a while he heard some more muttering, a stumble, then Daniel was beside him, setting up a lawn chair with one hand while balancing the fishing rod in the other. Finally he was settled, fiddled with the rod for a bit, then cast it out with a lot more finesse than Jack had expected. With both lines stretched out in front of them and the lake rippling quietly, the two sat in comfortable silence. They were both approaching the place they needed to be from different directions, but that was okay because Jack figured they both had the same distance to travel. And, with any luck, they'd both get there at the same time.

 

**_end_ **


End file.
